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03:54pm 30/05/2006

It is a rairity to find a genuinly nice person. It is ever harder to find a genuinly nice guy. Whether he is in the class room, participating in sports, or just hanging out, this person is one of the kindest I have ever come across. I remember one day when a strong Western wind blew my pen far from my desk. You were generous enough to go pick it up for me. You are always there for me whether I have neglected to do my reading for history or I am just whining about my day. You can always lift my spirits and make me smile. You have always been there when I get thirsty, and you reluctantly lend me your water bottle. I even appreciate the fact that you are so very anal and force me to recite historical facts backward so I will remeber them at our 5 hour study sesions. Though our sarcastic personalities clashed in the beggining, I am quiet glad that we have become good friends. I hope this speech isn't making you smile since I know our mission in life is to make each other miserable. Our love hate relationship with a bit more hate than love, is something I have learned to appreciate more than I can tell you. I honestly am sorry for stealing your yellow level water bottle so many times, tatooing you, and losing our little red notebook. But more than anything, I am sorry that I wont have you around next year to make me smile...."bing baby done!" And even if I dont show it, I appreciate what a sweet guy you really are. So I am presenting Ray with this water bottle filled with sweet things for a sweet guy.

     Read 4 - Post
busy busy busy   
09:36pm 18/05/2006
mood: contemplative

omg its a boy! i am so happy for you all.

....im seeing blue!


school is killing me esspecially western civ....its kickin my butt. and this english paper....blahhh! lol

only 12 more days of school. can u believe it? awww!

it wont go away....i wont let it

11:49pm 14/05/2006

Works Cited

Dobson, R.B.. "The Rising of 13981." New York: St. Martin's Press 1970: 123,125,128,161.

Spielvogel, Jackson. "A Communal Revolt." Western Civilization the Second Edition 229.

---Murder in the Cathedral

---University Students and the Violence at Oxford

Konigshofen, Jacob. "Medieval Holocaust: The Cremation of the Strasbourg Jews." Chronicling the Construction of Anti-Jewish Thought and Persecution 279.

Froissart, Jean. "A Revolt of French Peasants." The Chronicles of Froissart 1523: 281.

dont ask...dont even read...   
08:40pm 10/05/2006



We see it everyday, power struggles between goverments, countries, money, religons, and even in our own personal relationships. Power and human rights are needed to survive. In the Middle Ages there were huge gaps in society leaving some with no rights or power and other with much, Overall, societal violence in the Middle Ages was caused by the relationship and conflicts between social classes, specificaly the want and need for power and rights.

In A Communal Revolt speaks of a revolt by towns people when the lord of the town tricks and mistreats them. "The bishop of Loan, lord of the town, had granted privledges to the townspeople in reture for a large payment. Later he rescinded his grand but kept the money, thereby angering the citizens." When the bishop decided to not grant the privledges, yet keep the money, the townspeople rose. "All the efforts of the prelate and nobles in these days were reserved for fleecing thier inferiors. But those inferiors were no longer moved by mere anger, but goaded into a muderous lust for death of the bishop and his accomplices and bound themselves by oath to effect their purpose." The conflict here was mainly caused because of a power struggle. The townspeople felt they needed more rights and the bishop obviously wanted money and did not bellieve they should have rights.


In the excerpt from Murder in the Cathedral it suggests that, "Although Henry did not order the archbishops murder, he certainly cause it by his reckless public words expressing his desire to be free of Becket." The conflict between church and state is also a huge power struggle. The kings and the bishops wanted completly diffrent things which, it seems, could only be settled by violence. All the king had to do in this instance was speak badly about the king and he was killed. Though I think this example fits into a struggle for money as well as power, I believe the want for poer was more predominate in this instance.


The Medeval Holocaust: The Cremation of the Strasbourg Jews says that Jews were blamed for poisining th wells and basically causing the Black Death. "In the mattter of this plauge the Jews throughout the world were reviled and accused in all lands of having cause it through the poisin which they are said to have put in the water and the wells-- that is what they were accused of-- and for this reason the Jews were burnt all the way from the Mediterranean into Germany." Now why the Jews? The passage does not seem to suggest any type of religous predudace though there was an abundance of it. Yet, the author suggests the the reason the Jews were killed was because the lords were in debt to them. "The money was indded the thing that killed the Jews. If they had been poor and if the lords had not be in debt to them, the would not have been burnt." This is the prominate example of why money was a major aspect of violence in Middles Ages culture. But, we all know money equals power.


Once again in A Revolt of French Peasants, Jean Froissart suggests that, "the relationship between aristocrats and peasants had degenerated as a result of the social upheavels and privations caused by the black death and the hundereds years war." The passage expalins that a group of peasants decided to revolt against the nobles. "One of them got up and said that the nobility of France, knights and squires, were disgracing and betraying the realm, and that it would be a good thing if they were all destroyed." We obviously can see the hatred peasants have toward nobles after the Hunreds Year War. Peasants have been mistreated and nobles have stolen their rights. The conflict here was caused by anger. It seems that the peasants were fed up with the nobles. Once again, a power struggle.


In The Rising of 1381 it is again suggested that a group of commoners rose against a royal commissioner. Once again we have a power struggle where peasants want more rights and nobles don't want to give up any of their power. In the passage, the commmoners ask the king for several privledges. "They asked also that no one should serve any man except at his own will and by means of a regular covenant." This is a prime example of what peasants wanted and what nobles did not. The violence in this artical was to get the kings attintion. Without violence he king would not have heard any of the peasants demands.

Also, in University Students and the Violence at Oxford, the students at Oxford were obviously wealthy and obviously nobel. The towns people who were peasants attacked them just because of the fact that they were nobel. "They [the townsmen] seized and imprisoned all scholars on whom they could lay hands, invaded their inns [halls of residence], made havock on their goods and trampled their books under foot." And the students, obviouly many fairly young men were full of themselves and did not resist the fights. "By nine oclock next morning, bands of scholars were parading the streets in martial array." This event was just a way for peasants to fight nobles because they were unhappy with their lives, which the nobles did not help.


Obviously the main causes of societal violence in the Middle Ages was the struggle for power and the conflicts between social classes. Weathe it is between church and states, aritocrats and peasants, or commeners and students, the need and want for power is what provals to be the main source of conflicts in the Middle Ages as well as the world today.

left remebering what its like to have you here with me......   
10:45am 05/04/2006
mood: okay
yesterday was a good day. n is for night owl.

we got my prom dress. its beautiful. and things are good, but im still not very happy. 

im getting scared about going away. im second guessing myself.  and im not so sure about western anymore. 

i have spent alot of time driving, crying, thinking, and listening to dashboard lately.  one night i drove everywhere i could that would give me some sort of memory that i need to hold on too right now. i really miss certain things. its all slipping away so fast and all i want is to hold on. im gonna miss it all so much. and i miss you. i even miss fighting. lets just be kids again. lets have a party and play truth or dare and laugh at each other again. I want to be 13 so badly. ive learned too much.

maddie....necco waffer? 

What would you say if I asked you not to go?
Would your forget everyone, forget everyhting,
And start over with me?
Would you take my hand and never let me go?
Well promise me you'll never let me go.

And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them.
Why does hello feel like good bye?
And these memories can't replace,
These wishes I wish and dreams I chase.
Well take this broken heart and make it right.

I feel like I've lost everything when you're gone.
Left remebering what it's like,
To have you here with me.
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy.

I never thought I'd be the one to say,
Please dont, well please dont leave me.

Take my hand and never let me go.
Take my hand and never let me go.
Promise me, you'll never let go.
Never let go, never let go.
You'll never let go.

Make this last forever.

I feel like I've lost everything,
When you're gone.
Left remembering what it's like,
To have you here with me.
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy.

I'll fall asleep tonight,
Cause that brings me closer to you
11:07am 25/03/2006
mood: pissed off
im so fucking sick of this.

prom better be fun.
i cant feel a thing....   
12:48pm 11/03/2006
mood: cold
why cant i care about anything anymore?
im sick of hurting people.
but i really dont care right now.
i dont care about losing people
or who will hate me tommrow.
i really dont give a damn.

whateve. heres my rants.

but u know what really cool. when people get on your sn and talk to people they dont even know and pretend its you. thats cool. 
and im sick of highschool and people talking shit. i have alot of charater flaws so if you all wanna talk shit about me atleast pick something thats true. like calling me a whore....not really even close to being true....pick something else. 
and for the girl who wants me to...what was it...."get hit by a bus".....fuck you. i didnt do a thing to you. you have no idea what its like to be in the situation i am in. i dont need you bitching about me.
people are so disipointing. right when you need someone they turn their back on you. no one fucking cares about anyone but themselves. 

but i love you rach. i always will no matter what. we have been friends so long and shes the only person whos not fucking shady in the whole oldham county area. plus im too lazy and apathetic to join the bitch club and be a bitch to you rach. you make me laugh and you may be one of the only sincere people i know.

Desperate it seems, but I can’t breathe.
Are you real?
Are you real?
I can’t feel a thing,
And this machine won’t stop,
Be here when I wake,
Sing me to sleep.
I won't fight it when you leave.
Sing me to sleep.
I wont fight it…

i wont fight it.....   
04:39pm 01/03/2006
mood: guilty
yeah you were right....i need you. no one else even comes close. 
i just want to show you everything. you would understand.
but i cant.
because i wont.

Shallow it seems, but I need you here.
From me to you, I know I can’t feel a thing.
Oh, sing me to sleep.
I won't fight it when you leave.
I wish you were here.
Desperate it seems, but I can’t breathe.
Are you real?
Are you real?
I can’t feel a thing,
And this machine won’t stop,
Be here when I wake,
Sing me to sleep.
I won't fight it when you leave.
Sing me to sleep.
I wont fight it…
I wish you were here. 

-matchbook romance
11:25pm 28/02/2006
mood: crushed
it hurts to find out how much people dont care. how self involved they are. but im sick of crying over it.

maddie is amazing and so are her pictures. and jake has surprised me alot. 
emma is great. maybe too honest though. lol. i am looking forward to the slumber party!

nothing seems to matter right now. i guess im here and thats all i can really ask for. just the day and just being able to get through it. i suppose i can tbeat myself up. the guilt will have to drift away in its own time and i will just have to drag myself along. im always fine.

so the new matchbook romance album is amazing.
07:55pm 27/02/2006
mood: confused
dont talk shit just because ur sad. its dumb. i didnt do a thing and i know exactly how you feel.

rays keys r fun.
i love emma. smile.
i love maddie. everythings going to be good.
rach im sorry. i have been bad lately. i promise i will make it up to you.
vincent. sorry for always being a pain in the ass. im learning.

oww. this hurts.
what a crazy past few days....   
04:56pm 10/02/2006
mood: drained

There is so much going on. 

I should have expected this from you....its not fair....and i think you will change each time....but you dont.  I'm through. You are so not worth it obviously. I try so hard and you could careless. I'm over your crap bud.

school is ridiculously hard and all i do is work my ass of to get no where. it doesnt matter though. so much more important things are going on.

i am excited about western but esspecially sad about leaving now.

Maddie i love you.....i love you more than ice cream with sprinkles....which is equivilant to a grande mocha with nonfat milk.


*Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means *

thats alot of suck.....   
03:32pm 06/02/2006
mood: exhausted

this weekend maddie and i spent saturday eating three bowls of ice cream each and watching the season one dvd of laguna beach.

the rest of the weekend sorta sucked. i love when parents act like they are 15.

i got in trouble in math and it made me sad. stupid bastard.

i want ramen noodles real bad.


:Reminder for me: Burn ray bright eyes and death cab.

its all piling up....   
02:14pm 01/02/2006
mood: sad

i am so far from perfect and no matter how hard i try i cant seem to fix that.

im really sick of pretending everything great. i broke down today and it killed me to let anyone know things wernt going perfectly.

i have been trying to let everything roll of my back and to try not worry about things.  But things keep building up and i cant let some things go.  i dont know how to deal with things though.  I dont even know what i want. i just know i am not happy with what is going on.

i try to be a good firend and i just fuck up.  im at the point where i dont have anyone who gets it.  i dont have anyone who can say "it'll be fine" and i believe them.  the people i always use to admire have let me down. the people who i always though embodied what was good and right have let me down and made me question myself. it seems like i cannot be in any type of successful relationship because all i do is push people away and make them hate me. the relationships i do chose to be in are ones i know could never last.  the people i choose to persue are assholes or guys who have girlfriends. i feel like such a bad person and i try so hard to be such a good one.

im working over 20 hours a week.  i dont mean to complain but it is just alot with everything else i have going on. I am just really exhaused.  my classes are really hard and i never seem to have enough time in a day to get everything done.  i stay up till 3:00 in the morning almost every night and i cant seem to do everything. its very frustrating.

i am loosing the people i really want to have in my life. no matter what i do or how hard i try i cant stop it. it hurts so bad. i wish people would stop changing. i know we all grow up and change but i need it to slpw down.

everything is piling up and it is just like its crushing me. i cant get on top of everything in my life. and i dont want to deal with the things that are scaring me.

its one thing after another. little things keep going wrong. i cant deal with them. i cant make them go away.

i can pretend a little longer though.

on a lighter note....im starting y-club back up.  i will announce a meeting time soon.  its going to be completly diffrent and fun! promise!


03:50pm 27/01/2006
mood: exhausted

i work at ulta. its pretty sweet.

my classes suck.  just alot of work.

i have been super duper busy.

i am pretty much just exhausted.

must go, i have two essays to write which must be post marked by the 30th. yeah.

we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve.....   
05:37pm 15/01/2006
mood: okay
The rain it started tappin' 
On the window near my bed
There was a loophole in my dreamin'
So I got out of it
And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open
Just my nightstand and my dresser
Where those nightmares had just been

So I dressed myself and left then 
Out into the gray streets
But everything seemed different
And completely new to me
The sky the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body
And each person I encountered 
I couldn't wait to meet

And I came upon a doctor
Who appeared in quite poor health
I said there's nothing that I can do for you  you can't do for yourself
He said oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help
So I sat with him awhile
Then I asked him how he felt

He said I think I'm cured
No, in fact, I'm sure of it
Thank you, stranger 
For your therapeutic smile

So that's how I learned the lesson
That everyone's alone
And your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
And when crying don't help 
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope

That's why I'm singing baby don't worry 
'Cause now I got your back
And every time you feel like crying
I'm gonna try and make you laugh
And if I can't 
If it just hurts too bad
Then we'll wait for it to pass
And I will keep you company for those days so long and black

And we'll keep working on the problem
We know we'll never solve
Of love's uneven remainders
Our lives are fractions of a whole
But if the world could remain within a frame
Like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then
We'd stand staring in awe

At our still lives posed 
Like a bowl of oranges
Like a story told
By the fault-lines and the soil
Today maddie and i picked out our houses.....and our twin husbands. 
highschool is so obnioxious   
03:32pm 13/01/2006
mood: gloomy

today is a good day for soup.

today was an awful day....a good week....and awful day. people are obnioxious.

rach...after i left....i dropped my phone again and was rolling aorund the parking lot trying to reach the battery under my cat.

i need to be thirteen again.

its movie time.

06:19pm 02/01/2006
mood: blah
Take the first sentence (or two) from the first post of each month of 2005.
That's your year in review.

Last night.....party in E-town....decent.

I have screewed up....I'm worried about so much. Fuck.

So yea I'm at home....I'm about to wander into school to pick up prom tickets, gather homework, and see Maddiedodo. We will see if I actually make it to school tommrow. Probubly not...its worth a shot though.

nothing matters. im so amazingly happy.

Well.....I'm in Virginia having a fantastic time. I miss Maddie and her damn phone is not working! I haven't talked to her in a whole three days and I am feeling a bit deprived.

yucky.....i got itchy bug bites.
i am thrilled to be home.

fuck you jackass. im stupid. i know this would happen.

maddies party was a very fun event. so fun that cops joined.

library aiding is a bitch.
kya meeting tommrow

yesterday maddie and i went shoe shopping for over 5 hours. we listened to alot of kelly clarkson and mcr. pretty scene.

i put in my two weeks notice at the eatery last night. im almost sad about it.

this hurts so incredibly bad.

So my year sucked?
06:11pm 02/01/2006
mood: creative
1) Was 2005 a good year for you? Yes and no. It was the hardest year of my life and I truly believe I can now get through anything life throws at me. I was happier this past year than I had ever been. It was also a devastating amazingly terrible year. I learned a lot. I know in the past I have said I regret a lot…but I wouldn’t change a thing.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Hummm…I don’t know. A lot is a blur.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Drama

4) Where were you when 2005 began? At a party way out off Dixie.

5) Who were you with? Fabi, Christian, and all of his friends.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? A party with Emma and trashed people.

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? Emma and people

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don’t remember what it was.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? Don’t worry so much.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? Yes
where’s 11?
12) If yes, do they know? Yes

13) Are you still in love with them? No

14) You regret it? ……no.

where’s 15? What the?

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes

17) Who are your favorite new friends? Maddie!!!!

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? January

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? 7

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? Yes

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yessss

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Ummm probably Spiderman. I really have no idea.

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? Oh jeezz…. collide…. howwie day

25) What was your favorite record from 2005? Fall Out Boy

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? Uh …probably like 6

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? The SOTY show was pretty fun.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005? Not really.

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? A lot? No

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? One.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Hell yes.

32) Do you enjoy where you are now? I’m content.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? I don’t think I’m immature enough to bring that up on lj.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? Yes. And I didn’t mean to.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Ha. That’s a yes.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005? More than I had.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? I’m not sure i did anything I’m proud of myself for…except getting so much better and stronger. I guess I was proud of maddie over the summer when I realized all she had really done and how many times she had stood up for me while I wasn’t there.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? lol….ummm fabi telling the whole junior class person info. Haha. Its kinda funny now.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? Nothing.

40) what are your plans for 2006? Party a lot. Just have a lot of fun and make new relationships. Get the hell out of here.
catching up....   
05:23pm 02/01/2006
mood: mellow


Sort your library by song in itunes and fill this out

Song Count: 431
First Song: Konstantine- Something Corporate
Last Song: In The Waiting Line- Zero 7
Shortest Song: Interlude- My Chemical Romance
Longest Song: Lets Not Shit Ourselves- Bright Eyes
First Artist: Van Morrison
Last Artist: N’sync
First Album: Garden State
Last Album: I am me

Top 10 Most Played:

1. I Will Follow You Into The Dark- Death Cab For Cutie 
2. Dance, Dance- Fall Out Boy
3. Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional
5. Konstantine- Something Corporate
6. Boyfriend- Ashlee Simpson
7. Fix You- Coldplay
8. Come Fly with me- Frank Sinatra
9. Recycled Air- The Postal Service
10. Blood Red Summer- Coheed





There’s a humongous rainbow right over me house!


Rach reminded me last night that i still do have a live journal and she enjoyed reading it so i am gonna update.


Virginia = fabulous. 

Saw king kong…. good…. kicked ass at bowling…good…driving 84829583 hours…not good.


New Years Eve was a lot of fun. Except for the drunken bastard who stepped on my toe and spit beer on me. That was sweet of him. We all can agree that 2005 was not the best year. It was fairly awful. I know for a fact this year will be better because I can’t imagine anything worse than this last year.


I am NOT looking forward to returning to school.


Yesterday Maddie and I went to Bardstown road. It was nice out so we got coffee and walked around. We talked a lot and went to look at Bellarmine.  It was a lot of fun.  I can’t believe we only have 6 more months together till we go our separate ways. It sorta sad. Oh yeah....we are having a Laguna Beach party....with character cut outs.....and season one dvds. no bitches allowed.....exception....us.


I was set on going to Western and now I’m having second thoughts.  I’m looking for some excuse to stay up hear. I want to go away and be on my own but I know I would have fun here.  I’m not sure what to do. I’m gonna miss this place and a lot of people.  I have a lot of different feelings about going away now.

Last night Rach and I went out to dinner. We went to Stake and Shake and caught up since we hadn’t hung out in forever.  Then we went to Target and drove around randomly.  I forgot all the fun times we had had.  Then we went to Oldham 8 and saw Maddie and got icees! Then we went to Wal-Mart…. ha.  Then we did a few drive byes, which resulted in things dragging under my car…bad. It was fairly funny though.


So today I am just relaxing. The last few days have worn me out. I need to do laundry but what not to wear is on…. I just can’t walk away.

im so fucked up.   
11:38am 21/12/2005
mood: irate

am i gonna go through this process where i push people away....realize im an iddiot....and then beg for them back the rest of my life?!

i have dont if for four years....just the people have changed.

but i actually think im making a huge mistake this time. well....i think i allready have.

fuck. what the hell is wrong with me.